Bob's Clues
by SugarFairi
Summary: It's Bob's Clues! Where the clues have no meaning whatsoever. This is a Blue's Clues + Love Hina crossover, and I struggle (not) to find blood to revive Keitaro. I made myself very homicidal in this one!!
1. Welcome to Bob's Clues

I don't own Love Hina or Blues Clues or Post-Its or all the other companies that make a bunch of money...but I DO own this storyline and my imaginary octopus friend who has seven and a half legs (because my friend ate one and only half grew back), Bob. Who's purple. I'm Kitti, by the way. OKAY...let's start the story.  
  
+ ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ +  
  
Kitti: HIYA, KIDS!!!!!!  
  
Bob: GWABUH BEE LA DEEE...  
  
Kitti: Right. Anyway, come join us in the backyard. We're poking ourselves with bagel knives to see who can get the most blood squeezed out!! Come, come!!!  
  
Bob: GWABUH.  
  
We all walk into the backyard. Naru is poking Keitaro to death with a bagel knife and Su is, of course, is eating Mutsumi's watermelons with one (a bagel knife).  
  
Kitti: OH NO. Keitaro's dying because of blood loss! Oh well.  
  
Keitaro fans attack me.  
  
Kitti: Okay, okay, we'll get him some blood. But where should we get it from?  
  
Bob: GWABUH JEE DEE. Translation: Gwabuh jee dee.  
  
Kitti: That's a GREAT idea, Bob!! We can play Bob's Clues to figure out who to kill to take there blood and give it to Keitaro!!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh?  
  
Kitti: *starts singing "we gotta find pawpprint.that's our first clue"*  
  
When I'm done, I drag Bob into the freakishly colorful house.  
  
Kitti: YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED? OUR HANDY-DANDY...  
  
S I L E N C E  
  
Kitti: *kicks kids*  
  
Kids: Oh.um....yeah, errm...  
  
Kitti: THAT'S RIGHT!! OUR HANDY DANDY POST-ITS!!!!!!! *gets post-its off the refrigerator* You know, kids, now that I have my post-its, we can go look for the first clue!  
  
Little Susie: No, duh. @#$@ you.  
  
Kitti: *kills little Susie with my bagel knife [XXX]''''''''\* Okay, no more interferences! Well, my time has ended.so see us next time when we try to-  
  
Little Timmy: But Kitti, it's a thirty minute show and we have to get everything in one chapter-  
  
Kitti: DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE *holds up Little Susie's head* HER?  
  
Littile Timmy: No, ma'am.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER  
  
Kitti: *still holding bagel knife* This is my first fanfic...how'd you like it?  
  
Mother Goose: It's a disgrace to-  
  
Kitti: *holds up bagel knife*  
  
Mother Goose: I loved it. 


	2. 2 Clues and a Will

Kitti: Welcome back to Bob's Clues! Where talking furniture can creep the crap out of you. Creep the crap....that's good....better write that down. *scribbles the phrase on a post-it*  
  
Bob: *slaps his own head with all 7 and a half tentacles* Gwubuh.  
  
Kitti: Let's go look for the first clue!! La dee da da da...  
  
Kids: A CLUE, A CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kitti: A clue? Where?  
  
Kids: Right there! Right there!  
  
Kitti: Where? Where??????  
  
Kids: PSYCHE!! HA HA HA HA HA, YOU FELL FOR IT.  
  
Kitti: *demonic voice* YOU SHALL PAY. *kills couple of the kids with a bagel knife.....again*  
  
Bob: Gwubuh.....  
  
Kitti: [ THINKING: Hmm, there are no clues. But we need clues to play the game ] *takes Bob's tentacle, dips it in Keitaro's blood, and marks it on the sink* THERE. A CLUE!!!! It's....a sink!  
  
Bob: GWUBUH GWUBUH!!!!!!!!  
  
Kitti: *takes out post-it* Now we have to draw.....a sink. Let's see......a sink. First, we draw this circle here, and then this triangle, and this pyramid, and this squiggly line, and a cow-shaped thing over here, and this trapezoid, an octagon, let's add these two little diamond shaped things over here......AH! DONE!!!!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh. [ translation: that doesn't look like a sink ]  
  
Kitti: Of course it does! *staring at picture* Errm.it's an abstract picture of a sink....and....see, the knobs over here and.....SHUT UP!!!!!  
  
Bob: *sigh*  
  
Kitti: Now all we need is the second clue and the third!! Great!!!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh. *jumps into a map*  
  
Kitti: Oh, yes! Blue-I mean, Bob-skidoo, we can too!! Hehe.....that rhymes. *jumps into map*  
  
Bob: *pointing at Antarctica* GWUBUH!!!  
  
[ SO WE WALK INTO ANTARCTICA ]  
  
Kitti: So....here we are in Antarctica.....Brrrrrrrr (fake shiver). And we're hoping to find another clue.  
  
Bob: GWUBUH. [ not me ]  
  
Kitti: *demonic voice again* Silence!! *thunder crash*  
  
Bob: *sigh*  
  
Kitti: So.where's the second clue?? Hmmmmmm......  
  
Kitti: AH, YES!!! That MUST be the second clue. A SNOW CONE!!!!!!! Let's draw it. We make a V for the cone, and an O for the snow. There! A snow cone!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh..... [ Amateur..... ]  
  
Kitti: SILENCE. Let's skidoo out. Bob skidoo.we can too!!  
  
[ back home ]  
  
Kitti: Let's look at these clues.....what do you think they mean?????  
  
S I L E N C E  
  
Kitti: Oh, yes, that might be it. But let's collect the third clue.....just to be sure. *puts away post-its*  
  
[ MEANWHILE: in the backyard, Keitaro is dying ]  
  
Keitaro: I never got the chance to write my will......Su, you get all my food.  
  
Su: SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does happy dance* I mean......Keitaro, thank you. *nod* Keitaro: And Mutsumi, you can have my photo album book.  
  
Mutsumi: Oh me, oh my.  
  
Keitaro: Kitsune can have my sake.....Seta doesn't get anything 'cuz he's not important....Sarah doesn't either 'cuz she's his daughter. Naru? You get the Hinata House!!!!  
  
Naru: Cool!!!! So die already so I can have it!!!!!  
  
Keitaro: I withdraw the-  
  
Naru: *kicks the living (hardly living) crap out of Keitaro*  
  
Keitaro: Never mind. *finishes saying his will* Got that?  
  
Everyone: Yup.  
  
Tama-chan: MYUH. 


	3. THE THIRD CLUE!

This is the third chapter of Bob's Clues.....Keitaro's dying, kids are dying, basically a whole lot of people are dying, from the wrath of my bagel knife.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Kitti: Welcome back to Bob's Clues!!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh! [ hewwo ]  
  
Kitti: SHUT UP!!! THIS IS MY SHOW AND YOU CAN'T TAKE OVER!! NIENER, NEINER. :P  
  
Bob: *sigh*  
  
Kitti: Anyway, we need to find the third clue to find out who to kill to take their blood!! All for Keitaro, who's dying as I speak.  
  
***Meanwhile, Keitaro is dying as I speak***  
  
Kitti: Urrrm, yeah. Anyway, let's go find the third clue, shall we? *gay grin the people on kiddy shows always have*  
  
Kids: Urrm.....yeah......I guess.........  
  
Kitti: *demonic voice* SILENCE. WE DO WHAT I SAY. *normal voice* So, let's go!!!  
  
[ Bob and I walk around the house when we hear the song "mail time.....mail time.......mail time......MAIL TIME!!!! ]  
  
Kitti: Oh, the mail!!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh. [ no duh ]  
  
Kitti: Here's the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail MAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!  
  
[ I sit down in the thinking chair and the "mailbox" comes in ]  
  
Shinobu: Here's your mail!  
  
Kitti: Shinobu? Where's mail box?!?  
  
Shinobu: #$%#$%@#%@#%(@#@#& YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO NAG NAG NAG AND YOU JUST CAN'T ACCEPT ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T GO ACCORDING TO YOUR PLAN AND YOUR @$#%^ WAYS!!!!! *hands me mail* There ya go.  
  
Kitti: o.O Thanks, Shinobu.  
  
Shinbou: *giddy* ANY TIME! *runs away into the backyard*  
  
Kitti: *opens mail* Oh, look! It's a letter from our friends!  
  
Friends: YOU SUCK!!!! BOO!!! I HATE THIS SHOW!!!!! SHUT UP!! WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR OBSESSION WITH BAGEL KNIVES??? GO AWAY!!! By the way, I had eggs for breakfast. Bye! Great show!  
  
Kitti: o.O Urrrm........right. Okay, well, I guess we have to check up on Keitaro.  
  
[ walks into backyard with Bob ]  
  
Keitaro: Uhhhhhhh....*blood gushing out of his body like a fountain*  
  
Kitti: He's fine. Let's go search for the other cl-  
  
Motoko: SAVE HIM SOMEHOW!!! CAN'T YOU SEE URASHIMA IS DYING??!??!?!?!!?  
  
Kitti: Nope, he seems fine to me. Better than ever, actually.  
  
Shinobu: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO A BLOOD BANK?? WE CAN GET BLOOD FOR KEITARO THERE!!!  
  
Kitti: You bug me. DIE.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Kitti: Okay.......I just had to......do something *ahem* So let's go look for that third clue now!!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh...... [ Shinobu....... ]  
  
Kitti: Let's look around. Ho hum.........  
  
Kids: A CLUE, A CLUE!!!!!  
  
Kitti: Where? Where?  
  
Kids: RIGHT THERE!!!  
  
Kitti: WHERE?  
  
Kids: RIGHT THERE!  
  
Kitti: WHERE?  
  
Kids: RIGHT F#$^#$ THERE!!!!  
  
[ one of the kids pull out all their hair ]  
  
Kitti: TELL ME WHERE IT IS, SHEESH.  
  
Kids: On the ball!! The bouncy ball!!  
  
Kitti: *looks around* OH! A ball!! That's our third clue!! *takes out a post-it* First, we draw a circle, then lines and curves.....JUST BECAUSE.  
  
Bob: Gwubuh.....  
  
Kitti: YOU KNOW WHAT?? WE HAVE ALL THREE CLUES!!!!!!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh [ no duh, Sherlock ]  
  
Kitti: Now we can sit down in our.......  
  
Kids: Yoga cushion?  
  
Kitti: No....OUR.......  
  
Kids: Oh, I know!!!! On the kitchen table!!!!  
  
Kitti: NO!!!! OUR......!!!!!!!!!!  
  
[ all the kids are silent because they're afraid of getting killed ]  
  
Kitti: THAT'S RRRRRRRIGHT!!! Our thinking chair!!  
  
[ Bob and I walk to the thinking chair and I sit down ]  
  
Kitti: Let's.......THINK.  
  
Bob: Gwubuh [ that might be a problem for you ]  
  
Kitti: *knocks Bob unconscious* Hmmm......our clues are a sink, a snowcone, and a ball. What could that mean? Hmmmmm. I GOT IT!!! You use a sink to wash your face. When a snow cone melts, it melts into WATER. YOU USE WATER TO WASH YOUR FACE. WHO DO WE KNOW WASHES THEIR FACE???  
  
Kids: Urmmm.....  
  
Kitti: COME ON. YOU KNOW.......  
  
Kids: Urrrrm, well.  
  
Kitti: KENTARO SAKATA!!!!!!!  
  
Kids: Okay......but what about the ball?  
  
Kitti: *drags over Kentaro from his mansion*  
  
Kentaro: WHAT? WHAT? AHHHHH!!!!  
  
[ takes a bagel knife and stabs Kentaro in the.....third clue ]  
  
Bob: *recovers and takes a bottle to collect Kentaro's blood* GWUBUH.  
  
Kitti: Let's go to Keitaro now!!!  
  
[ so we do. And when we get there, everyone is weeping ]  
  
Kitti: I GOT THE BLOOD!!  
  
Everyone: *death stare at me*  
  
Kitti: WHAT?  
  
Motoko: Urashima's already....Urashima.......  
  
Mutsumi: Kei-kun is dead. Want a watermelon?  
  
Kitti: But....I have the blood......ooh, watermelon? OKAY!  
  
Bob: Gwubuh.......[ OMG ]  
  
Kanako: Naru's the one who killed him in the first place!!! GET HER!!!!!  
  
*everyone chases Naru while Bob and I sit on a picnic table with Mutsumi, eating a very deliciously fresh watermelon*  
  
Kitti: So.....that's our show!! Thanks for watching!!! Err, reading. Whatever. See you next time!!!! 


End file.
